Kakuzu & Tobi's Strange Adventure!
by Horamiso
Summary: Kakuzu drags Tobi along with him on his short quest to collect a bounty. After killing the fugitive, Kakuzu needs to drop it off at the nearby collection office. Hilarity ensues! (the story was written by me and my friend) Rated K for brief mild language.


**[Kakuzu and Tobi walk down a forest trail towards a small village. Kakuzu has just killed a wanted fugitive and needs to head to the village in order to claim the bounty. Meanwhile, Tobi inquires how "invest" in a business. Kakuzu explains that you must first invest the money in order to make more money. The two continue talking, but then the bounty's body begins to fall apart from the massive damage Kakuzu inflicted…]**

"Hmm... make more money? How do you do that?" he asked while absent-mindedly tossing a coin up and down in his hand. "You'd need more than that, but if you invested in... a ramen shop, for example, you'd become a business partner. Then whenever they made money, you would too", Kakuzu explained. "Ohh, so it's like sharing the prize. I get it," Tobi said with a nod. "Then maybe I'll invest in a dango store. They're really delicious, so I'm bound to get more money!" he continued in delight.

Turning around, he looked down at the detached finger on the ground. "Yuck.. talk about disgusting," the man commented, but picked it up anyway and examined it curiously. "Here ya go," he handed the finger to Kakuzu. "Will sewing it back on count? It sounds like you're cheating.."

As Tobi handed him the finger, black tentacle-like threads creeped out of Kakuzu's wrist and began to repair the damage as they both walked on. "Well, what he doesn't know won't hurt him," the Akatsuki said slyly. "Wow, you're really devious, Kakuzu-senpai," he snickered. As the two approached the gates to the village, the duo slipped on their sugegasa and prepared themselves. "I'd do it myself, but my hands are full. Tobi! Perform a jutsu to transform the corpse into a… bag of grain or something. Just keep it subtle," Kakuzu commanded.

"You got it!" he said and got to work, doing a few hand signs. After a couple of seconds, a puff of smoke engulfed the body, then cleared to reveal...a rather big bag of toys. "Uhh... close enough?" he muttered while rubbing the back of his neck. "Eheheh.. you look like that big guy who sends toys and candy to kids"

Kakuzu looked back to see if the jutsu had worked and saw the bag of toys. Kakuzu felt a blood vessel break. "ARRGH, YOU DAMN IDIOT! I TOLD YOU TO MAKE IT COUNT! PLUS HOW DO I LOOK ANYTHING LIKE HIM! I DON'T EVEN HAVE A BEARD!" Kakuzu yelled as he repeatedly hit his partner over the head with the bag. Luckily they were out of earshot but anyone passing by would have had no idea that these two were dangerous S-ranked criminals. Tobi flinched and cowered at the outburst, then yelped at being hit multiple times. However, he had worst with Deidara, being constantly sent to the skies by the blonde's explosions.

The masked man sighed in relief once the other cooled down. _... Note to self, never piss Kakuzu off... no matter how tempting it is to see his reaction._ The duo began to walk over to the guards; Kakuzu would have to make this work somehow. Tobi meekly followed along, wondering how Kakuzu would cover that screw up. He was always curious of what his taunts and mischiefs would result to... sorta odd, but well, that's what makes him Tobi.

They both slowly approached the guards. "Halt!" the masked ANBU commanded. Both Akatsuki stopped, facing straight and looking down. "Where are you two coming from?" the officer asked. "Due to the recent criminal activity from the Akatsuki, security has been enforced. We'll need to have some verification". Damn, Kakuzu thought. Then an idea came to him. "My dear sirs, we are simple street performers; we even brought toys for the children, to take away their fears during these dark times". The ANBU looked inquired. They were buying it, but weren't entirely sold. "If you doubt us, I'll have my partner do a small dance for you, free of charge", Kakuzu finished. He gave Tobi a subtle yet firm punch in the arm to get him started.

On cue, Tobi began to spin around and dance insanely, attracting a group of nearby children. Kakuzu watched as his partner danced like a madman. _Good work for once_, he thought to himself. The disciplined ANBU tried to stifle laughs and the children applauded Tobi who bowed dizzily. "Well, I think they're alright to pass", the guard said amused as he opened the gate. The two Akatsuki walked through and Kakuzu smiled behind his mask at his lie fooling the elite ninja. "Alright, lets go to the collection office. It's not to far from here" he said as they began to walk through the serene village.

Tobi placed his hands at his hip, seemingly proud of himself after the 'performance'. Once they were permitted entry, he walked alongside his partner, glancing around the village curiously. The man nodded at the plan, but then couldn't help but let out a sudden chuckle as they walked down the street. "Heheh.. I wonder if any of the kids here would mistaken you for Santa Claus and ask for free toys. After all, you could always be the dark, mysterious version of him," he teased.

"Hmmm, they might have. It's a good thing they were focused on you instead" Kakuzu said. "But I would prefer to stay an Akatsuki, not some made-up fairy tale". As they walked down the dusty road, Kakuzu began snickering to himself. "If they had asked for something, the toy would have been a transformed organ or appendage" he said laughing at his dark joke. They were close to the collection office when Kakuzu heard his partner's stomach growl. _Great_, he sarcastically thought to himself."Eugh... those wouldn't be so much fun to play with.." Tobi commented, visualizing the children picking up random body parts or organs. "..unless they're playing bypass surgery~" he joked with a small snicker. Kakuzu also chuckled lightly at his partner's dark humor. As soon as he heard his own stomach growl, he paused and blankly looked down at it. "Ahahaha.. guess I'm starving" Tobi laughed nervously while rubbing the back of his neck.

Upon hearing Tobi's comment, he looked over and saw... a dango stand. _Of course_, he thought to himself. "Well, we might as well get something to eat" Kakuzu said reluctantly. As soon as Kakuzu okayed the food break, Tobi cheered rather loudly and sprinted towards the dango stand while his partner strolled behind. The elderly cook looked up at them. "Well hello! What would you gentleman like today?" she said in a soft, friendly voice. Kakuzu naturally chose the cheapest item, "I'll just have the special...".Kakuzu looked over at his childlike teammate, who was wondering what to buy.

"Hmmmm... I'll have what he's having~" he told the cook while motioning to his partner. He then sat on the bench provided, eagerly yet patiently waiting for his food; while Kakuzu sat down on the bench, albeit the farthest end from Tobi. Turning towards the other Akatsuki, he asked, "So what kind of food do you like, Kakuzu-senpai?"

"My favorite food is liver sashimi. I'm not to fond of anything... sweet" he finished with a cringe. "I take it you like dangos, then?" he asked. "Yup, and basically anything else that tastes good~" he said happily right before the elderly woman came up with their food. "Alright!" Tobi cheered, immediately picking a stick up, but then turned away from his partner to open up his mask and eat. "Oh boy, I'll never get tired of this taste...say, why are you sitting all the way over there, Kakuzu-san?" he asked once he had his mask back on and looking at him.

Kakuzu stared at the masked Akatsuki eat his food as fast as he could. He leaned over to try and see behind Tobi's mask but couldn't. _I'll just rip the thing off one day_, he thought. "I don't want my... "bag" to close too you. You'll probably get sauce on it", he said as he slid his mask down. "Uhh... I wouldn't want it too close to me either," Tobi said, almost forgetting that the innocent bag of toys was actually a corpse.

Kakuzu began to eat the dangos quickly but with efficiency. "You keep eating that fast, your stomach will hurt", he said through food in his mouth. "You're not one to talk, since you're eating pretty fast yourself, senpai" Tobi pointed out. "But I think it's natural, because they're so good!" the man stretched his arms up and sighed contently as he looked at his now empty plate. "I couldn't eat another bite~"

"Ugh, same here," Kakuzu grunted, now satisfied. He paid the elderly cook the fee (no tip, of course) and continued their walk. Eventually they reached the collection office. "Well, it looks like this is the end of road Tobi. I must say... I've enjoyed your company."

Tobi turned to Kakuzu. "Really? Now if only Deidara-senpai would say that.." He then rubbed his chin. "You're pretty cool yourself, senpai. To think all this while I always thought you were just some grouchy, unapproachable old man~" he chuckled lightly as he spoke, as if reminiscing the past day they had spent together.

"Heh, yeah", Kakuzu replied, looking back. "I always thought you were a complete moron. But you proved me wrong... mostly." As Kakuzu laughed, he actually bowed to Tobi. After raising his head, Kakuzu swore he could see a red glimmer from Tobi's eyehole. _Could he actually possess?..._ he thought. But he quickly dismissed this. "Well, I'll be seeing you then", the greedy Akatsuki said, leaving for the building.

As Tobi watched his senpai closed the heavy metal doors to the building, he breathed a sigh of relief. _That fool almost saw my Sharingan. He's one to look out for in the future_, he thought to himself. The lone Akatsuki adjusted his mask, looking to see if anyone was nearby. When the coast was clear, he quickly teleported away from the village; fading away as the wind died down...


End file.
